I noticed something last month, well actually I noticed it for many years but I decided to put it on the table on OWN it!
I have resisted meditation like Vampires resist a crucifix!!! It's embarrassing to even admit this. The 'yoga teacher', who is a 'leader' in the workforce, someone who consults others to 'seek their vision', the whole-food cook, the mother who can 'do' it all couldn't 'do' meditation... I am the girl that fell asleep in or avoided every single meditation class whilst studying 'advanced ashtanga yoga' up a mountain in India (I mean, you can't get more ZEN than that!!!) I am the girl who signed up to Vipassana 10 years ago, then bottled it 2 days before 'D-day' because a clairvoyant told me that I was Nun in my past life and that now was not about 'sitting and being quiet'. I thought I would take what she said to the grave with me, but as I am maturing and seeing life with less immortality and more gratitude I am craving the concept of having time to myself, time to be quiet and let my brain rest, to slow down, no screens, so screams, just me and well... me...The irony is that if the doctor said to me I had to make sure my kid has 10 mins of physiotherapy every day I would caveat my whole day to make sure that this happened. So why don't we do the same for ourselves, for our brains and mental wellbeing? What if that's actually the point... what if that's where I have been getting it wrong... there is no such thing as 'doing' meditation.....!?......
The Ah-ha moment happened when my husband invited me to "come chill on the sofa, sit and do nothing..." It is a concept that I have actually forgotten and I realise now rarely occurs to me, until I actually asked myself the question: "Why... Why don't I just sit and do nothing?" After eating some dark chocolate and pondering this for a while, I decided to gift myself by 'remember-ing' the art of meditation and be accountable for my commitment to myself, for myself. I have forgotten the beauty and true magnificence of just 'BEING'. I think this is a common trait of both busy people and lives, excess screen time, as well as motherhood. As humans we are all so guilty of 'knowing' things. I 'know' meditation will be good for me, but we are also so great at forgetting these pearls of wisdom. The moment is NOW. I have resisted it for years and who knows I might just love it! Give it a go!!!
I have known for a while that it takes 10 days to form new habits and break old ones. We see this with people who give up sugar, coffee, etc... the first few days are murder, hard work, never ending, then suddenly there is a turning point. A moment of revelation, of pure nirvana (so they say...). So, to myself, for myself, I made a commitment to do 10 minutes of meditation for 10 days as an experiment, to see if I can stick to it, to see how I feel doing it and then to review my inner feelings about this deep seated self care that is so very very simple but has seemed to take me forever to being into realisation.
I won't lie, I was terrified, I can't even describe the fear of having to commit to sitting with myself for 10 days! It felt like a lifetime, an eternity of punishment!!! I tried to distract myself by using apps, guides and helpful resources to assist the meditation journey, but actually it was just literally about setting a commitment to myself, an intention and then making the space to make it happen.
So I did.
I thought about it like my analogy of healthcare for my kids, except I was the kid that needed the care. I made it a matter of life or death, NO EXCUSES!!! Even if it was 5.30am or 10pm at night I made sure I did it. It was uncomfortable at first, a mentally messy and my mind was racing all over the place. My back ached, I found I was easily distracted and had a long 'to do' list of things I should action once my 10 minute alarm went off! Then I took a breath... By day 10 I was suddenly really beginning to enjoy it. I felt space again, I felt like my lungs were opening my heart was breathing and connecting to my bran and body. It suddenly felt easy, joyful and I looked forward to it! I felt like the time froze and flew all at the same time. I had awareness for the tiny things happening inside my body that are actually miraculous and extraordinary, like breathing. Things I forgot, forgot to notice and take gratitude for.
I found myself, after 10 days actually wanting to sit for longer. 10 minutes is totally 'do-able' in my busy life and I look forward to it every day, those moments for myself, to process. It's like a computer reboot for the brain, a space that I can now actually feel 'creating', generating possibilities and ideas, really for a moment or two being at 'one' with our universe.
I sound like a total nut job? Try it. Get over the ego and the discomfort, the fear and awkwardness of the aches and pains. Give up Facebook for 10 minutes, NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Think about all the possibilities you can access by just 'being' and 'remember' how magnificent we are.